“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

Grievous words are those that remind people of labor or sorrow or earthly things. The Hebrew word translated grievous in our text verse is first used in Genesis 3:16 when God told Eve “in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. . . .” It encompasses the futility of man’s labor apart from God’s blessing, as in Psalm 127:2. “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows. . . .” To use grievous words is to deliberately “stir up” the pain in a person’s life. The tongue is a mighty tool that can be used for good or evil. James says that it is a “little member,” but “how great a matter a little fire kindleth!” (James 3:5). For this reason, the psalmist asked God to “set a watch . . . before (his) mouth” and “keep the door of (his) lips” (Psalm 141:3). We are to “let no corrupt communication proceed out of (our) mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying [building], that it may minister grace to the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).

Our text verse gives the opposite side of “grievous words,” and that is a “soft answer.” This verse presupposes that it is instructing a person who has been engaged in conversation with someone who is angry. A “soft answer” means to be weak or tender. It is “turning the other cheek,” while not feeding the anger of the person who is speaking. However, it does not mean that the person who gives a weak answer is weak in character or conviction. A tender answer is not being young and “tenderhearted” such as King Rehoboam who let his advisors lead him into idolatry (II Chronicles 13:7). It also does not mean that the person who withholds his tongue from verbal combat is ignorant. On the contrary, it is the fool who speaks everything that is on his mind (Proverbs 29:11). A tender answer requires the wisdom of God and the patience of Job! CJH